I've featured the odd picture of David on the blog before but I hold my hands up and say until very recently I never paid him a massive amount of attention. And now?? I BLOODY LOVE HIM!! To the point where I think he (and that naughty bugger Santi) might be the ACTUAL fucking death of me! Let's get the most obvious reason out of the way first which I've already touched upon in the above. David's physique is fucking INCREDIBLE! Apparently the chief executives at Webster's are currently facing their biggest dilemma yet. They're currently compiling a new picture dictionary and are torn over what to include under the word "SHREDDED". The options are a) a picture of David's insanely detailed, ripped to bits, impressively thick quads, or b) a picture of his granite hard, peeled to perfection, barely human midsection. It's a toughie! It's not just his jaw dropping levels of conditioning that shock and impress either. David's also packing some serious fucking mass! Those thick boulder shoulders and bulging, hard-as-a-rock biceps are particularly impressive in the size stakes. Throw in some hard, striated pecs which look particularly awesome (and slabby) during those side triceps poses, a pair of beautifully wide lats which look good from both the front and back, a freakish and seasonal looking lower back and some fantastically ripped glutes (I'd like to see those fuckers just a little bit bigger and a tad more striated but I'm really just being a greedy bugger now) and you have one phenomenal physique which really doesn't fall short in any area (let's just pretend calves don't exist OK? Who really cares about them anyway?!).
And once you've stopped physically gasping at how phenomenally conditioned Mr.Paterik's body is, allow me to draw your attention to one of the other (massive) factors as to why David is long overdue this post dedication. You may notice that in about 90% of the below pictures in which David is flexing, he looks rather happy about it/pleased with himself/loving every bloody second of being an absolute fucking FREAK! In other words, he's an outrageously cheeky, playfully cocky, incredibly intense, power packed, TUDE filled fucking poser of the highest fucking order! Ring ring...ring ring..."hello yes, A1 taxis? I'd like to book a cab with an exceptional amount of space in the back for two abnormally sized bodybuilders"! Sayonara Guy Cisternino, and toodle pip James Flex Lewis, there's a new face scrunching king in town and he goes by the name of (yep, you got it!) David Paterik! FUCKING SCRUNCH ITTTTTT! And the fucker doesn't stop there either. He grimaces, he squints, he puffs out his cheeks, he outrageously opens his mouth as if shouting "yeah" or letting out a loud roar like an absolute bleedin' nutter, and twists/contorts his bloody gorgeous (yep, he's a handsome bugger TOO folks!) face up into all manner of bonkers/cheeky/proud as fucking punch to be an insanely shredded, muscle packed BEAST expressions!! FUCK YEAH MR.PATERIK!!
And if you thought I'd just be relying on pictures to showcase David and all of his awesome above mentioned attributes, you'd be wrong! Brace yourself for a meaty feast of videos at the end of the post, which collectively include David tensing his insanely shredded quads, David lifting his shirt to reveal his otherworldly freaky abs, David hitting poses in his living room, David flexing and cranking hard for the camera in a gym, David waddling down the aisle of a supermarket unashamedly wearing nothing but a pair of posers and cheekily flexing as shoppers walk past (I kid you fucking not!), David in the same supermarket with his pants down showing off his freakishly muscular legs and bronzed ripped glutes to a poor check out girl and a queue of unsuspecting shoppers (can you bloody imagine??), amongst a few other slightly bonkers and insanely awesome things!
And now for Mr. Paterik in action! First up a short Instagram video of some insanely awesome quad flexing and ab flashing!
Anyone wanna see David pinching the freakishly thin skin covering his granite hard carved to perfection midsection?! Not a fan of body fat then David? Nope?! Didn't think so!
Ever see THIS going down in your local Tescos??
Two ripped bodybuilders with their pants down and posing trunks on display showing off their freakishly muscular legs to the check out girl? Yep, I see that pretty much every time I do my weekly shop!!!
"LET THE GAINS BEGIN!" *Cranks a most muscular "ARGGHH!" *Blasts another most muscular* "OOOOHMMM!" *Opens mouth like a cocky fucker while still in the most muscular pose* "ARGH!" *Struts out of view with the camera with a cheeky and smug smirk on his face*!
Time to practise some poses in the living room...
And some posing at Golds Gym, complete with his outrageously cheeky trademark facial expressions to finish!
I BLOODY LOVE THIS GUY!!