I've written a "To Do" List for Nick before he hits that stage in July...
#1. Get every single monstrously developed muscle group so fucking pumped he looks like someone literally stuck a bicycle pump into the nearest available orifice and just went hell for fucking leather on the pump, PUMP PUMP PUMPING him up to enormously big proportions until he looks like a fucking cartoon.
#2. Grow so freakishly fucking HUGE, he has to have the width of every doorway in his house altered just so he can waddle from one room to the fucking next!
#3. Get his arms so ridiculously PUMPED he can no longer physically reach the middle part of his back to scrub it in the shower, get his hand to reach his mouth to brush his teeth or reach round to wipe his own fucking arse! Hmmm...maybe don't stand *too* close to the other competitors on stage Nick.
#4. Get his pecs so fucking THICK and pumped every time he hits a front let spread those beef balloons bulging off his chest jump up and smack him in the fucking face!
#5. Wear the hottest, most obscenely bright shiny second skin posing trunks known to man, which can’t help but get completely gobbled up by his big juicy beef bootie!
#6. Morph into such a fucking monster he can no longer find any clothes that fit so he's forced to wear nothing but his bright shiny posing trunks in public, causing every child to point/scream/stare/run a mile, every elderly person to faint dead on the spot of heart failure, every grown woman to cream her panties, every straight mans skin to actually, physically turn green with envy, and every muscle addicts lucky enough to be out that day's boxers to explode!
#7. Get his abdominals so tight and stacked it looks like someone ripped out his stomach and put six bricks in place, which pop out of his dangerously wafer thin cling wrap "try and pinch it..go on I dare ya...any luck? No? Didn't fucking think so" skin!
#8. Make sure his ass is so fucking big and juicy the shows organisers charge him the money for a seat ticket for the front row, which is exactly where that huge beefy bottie ends up whenever Nick turned his back to the audience!
#9. Get so fucking freakishly veiny he looks likes a human fucking Sat Nav..or a walking promotional poster for Snakes On A Plane 2!
#10. Practise and perfect the *shit* hottest/cheekiest/cockiest, most animated posing routine ever seen in the history of bodybuilding, which includes stomping from side to side cranking out his poses HARD, scrunching up his oh-so-gorgeous mug, pulling the most OTT cheeky/arrogant/playful/"HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS" facial expressions, biting down hard on his bottom lip, cheekily puffing out his cheeks, outrageously sticking out his tongue, wobbling his head from side to side as he blasts out a monster Most Muscular, wobbling his big thick meaty quads, pointing to his freakishly striated glutes, grunting/groaning/yelling as he squeezes his freakishly pumped man beef, and basically being the shredded up, carved out freaky as fuck muscle BEAST that he is!
Links to my other Nick posts: