Introducing the New Must Have Money-saving Household Appliance for the Modern Muscle Addict: The Baitollah Abbaspour 69!
In these harsh economic times we’re all having to tighten our belts and makes some serious savings. The bills keep rolling in and with the cost of living ever on the increase, even the thriftiest of gentlemen is finding it hard to make ends meet. So wouldn't it be great if there was an affordable appliance for the home that could not only save you money but at the same time satisfy your insatiable lust for massive quantities of inhuman man-muscle? Well now there is!
Behold the Baitollah Abbaspour 69! The money-saving multipurpose household appliance no modern muscle-loving man should be without!
The Baitollah Abbaspour 69 (BA69) can help drive down costs in your home today, as well as providing all the bulging twitchy boy-beef you could ever desire! Order today and soon you could be driving down just some of the following most common, and costly, household bills:
Heating bills: the BA69’s massive body kicks out an incredible amount of heat, especially after a huge sweaty workout, so don't even think about turning on that expensive central heating! Just snuggle up to the BA69 on those cold winter nights and let those enormous scorching hot muscles heat you from head to toe!
Furniture: forget buying that expensive dining table; just instruct the BA69 to get down on all fours and use that brawny planet of a back to eat your dinner off! Hosting a dinner party? No problem! The BA69’s back is so massive you’ll be able to seat a party of 6 fellow muscle addicts around those titanic lats with rooms to spare!
Gardening costs: why go to the expense and hassle of buying, planting and pruning trees for your garden when you just get your BA69 to stand in the middle of the garden and imitate a tree! Those gigantic treetrunk thick quads will have your neighbours believing a mighty redwood has just sprung up in your backyard!
Car/petrol cost: sell the car and hitch a lift to work sat snugly on one of the BA69’s boulder shoulders instead! Just remember to allow extra time for long journeys as the BA69 can only waddle at 1 mile an our due to massive bodyweight and quad-thickness.
Kitchen utensils: the BA69 comes complete with a massive set of twitchy pecs which make a great chopping board. Don’t worry, those pecs are rock hard so even the sharpest knives won’t make a scratch! Order now and you'll also receive a free 6 inch deep sweaty pec canyon which can be used to remove bottle caps, crush garlic, crack nuts etc.
Mattresses: why waste good money on a hard lumpy mattress and rock solid pillow when you can sleep on top of your BA69 and enjoy a restful night’s sleep on that hard lumpy torso and rock solid pillow of pec-meat! Got a partner? Not a problem as there’s plenty of room for two!
Laundry bills: throw out that expensive-to-run washing machine and do your washing the old fashioned (and fun!) way by hand using the BA69’s ripped-as-hell cobblestone abs as a washboard! That six-pack is so hard and chiselled, the dirt won’t stand a chance! Just be sure to be careful with those delicates!
Grocery bills: never buy meat or fruit again! The BA69’s massive arse is solid prime beef so you'll never go hungry again! And why buy fruit when the BA69 comes complete with two massive ripe juicy watermelon-sized traps!
Television bills: chuck out that idiot box and tear up that rip-off channel package subscription. Who needs it when you can just stare at your BA69’s big pretty brown eyes and innocent-but-cheeky-at-the-same-time grin all night!
So don’t delay! Buy today! And start enjoying the no-catch* money-saving benefits the BA69 has to offer!
* N/B: We are legally obliged to point out the following catches:
Running costs of the BA69 include:-
15,000 calories of protein rich food per day
150 galleons of tan/oil per week
Membership to the grittiest most meat-head infested gym in town
A wardrobe of the skimpiest most outrageously coloured posing trunks
Please note: before use all household floors must be reinforced to accommodate the BA69’s massive bodyweight. At least one extra-wide full-length mirror must be installed in every room of the house for use by the BA69 during posing/self-worship mode.
Caution: continuous use of the BA69 may result in loss of load.